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Hi Steve I need help, about 6 weeks ago my dad was in hospital with cancer treatment and the person who was next to him was a person who was married with 4 kids but realised he was gay, and I didn’t know that when I met the person , my mum had told me on a Sunday night on the 6th of October and those words didnt really bother me until I went to bed with heaps of energy ( I was going to wake up the next morning at 5 am to workout) then the thought entered my head and had a massive ardelaine rush followed by a 2 hour pannic attack , ever since that night I have not felt the same i keep questioning myself which in my raitional mind seems stupid and I’m too scared to hang around my mates now I’ve dropped 9 kg ( I was doing natural bodybuilding) I had to change jobs at work because there was homosexuals there ( which never bothered me before ) I feel like I’ve lost libido , the one girl I was seeing at the time did make me feel happy and my libido seemed to come back when we were kissing , one night on the 5th of November I got a hair cut a bad one and ilooked in the mirror I felt like I looked like a women because I saw a lessibian with the same sort of hair cut ( anyway that thought has gone away now and doesn’t bother me ) that same night I worked myself up and something nice had happen I went into a deep peaceful sleep , woke up the next morning feeling like my old self I went into work being able to look a guys in the face while talking to them without being scared . I could watch TV again without these silly thoughts but the I got a message from the girl I was seeing saying she was seeing someone else now which felt like a huge kick in the guts when I was finally feeling like I was getting back on feet one at a time , I constantly feel like a prisoner in my own head I know I’m not gay but my keeps honestly feels like it wants to trick me while my heart knows what it wants all my life I wanted to be a police officer and do bodybuilding I love my sport but atm where my head is I can’t feel like I can do any of it , and I’m getting sick of this and i dont want to bother my family with this which will cause them to freak out and make them wonder the wrong things and plus my dads dying of cancer and the household atm is abouste hell with heaps of fighting and arguing , all I wanna do Is go back to the same guy who loved action movies going out with his mates drinking and socialising and having a good time , it almost feels like if I had gone to the to list or wasn’t in the room and bit have heard those comments about the gay person I would of never of got scared and would be like I have always been.. Thanks for your time

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